i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He did a backflip because drugs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
