what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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