i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
