god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
