I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
