VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
