Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
