Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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