No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
