Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
