Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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