Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
