Buhtt sex?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
