Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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