Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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