Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
