You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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