did you get engaged???
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
