I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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