you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
