I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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