At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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