no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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