I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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