I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
