i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
