textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
