Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
