That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the condom got lost in my hair
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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