'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
