took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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