just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
