ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my liver is dry heaving
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
