he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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