hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
