Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
