I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
