the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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