There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
