the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
