it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
