my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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