I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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