i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
