conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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