her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
