There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
