You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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