There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
