the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
