Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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