saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
