I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
