I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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