i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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