I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
